Finding a Home for Tufty

This is the story of Tufty. It does not have a happy ending. But I ask you to read it through so you can learn something about ferals as well as send some love to Tufty.

Tufty was born somewhere around June of 2007. Midnight and Grizzly, the stars of one of my previous blog posts, are her feral littermates. The latter two would hang back, recoiling from me at wet food feeding time. Yet Tufty would come closer toward me, strongly meowing, as if to nag me into getting the food out faster for her. My husband has a great talent for initiating ferals into the socialization process. With food, sweet talking and slowing introducing some touch, he conditioned Tufty to enjoy being stroked. Before long, she was coming into our sunroom, even allowing us to put her in our laps for stroking sessions. She leaned into it, wiggling all over the place, totally in love with our attentions.

At that time, we had a different set of abandoned/homeless cats who did not get along with each other very well. So we did not invite them to stay in the sunroom overnight like we do now with the Three Mousecateers (see prior post). Several of the social ones, including Tufty, really minded the cold by the winter of 2007-2008. I wanted so much for them to have warm homes. I did not have the many connections I have now with a local animal rescue agency which sponsors adoptions. So I was working with my own email address book to get several adopted.

A friend of a friend wanted Tufty. I screened her as best as I knew how – many questions about her history with cats, her habits and her plans. This woman, Susan, seemed responsible. Overall, she seemed like a good match. There were only 2 red flags. In retrospect, I wish I had not given her Tufty because of them. She was planning to give her dry food only, not wet food. Tufty was a wet food fanatic. Secondly, she told us about a cat she used to have that was used to being outside. She worked at not letting it get out but it escaped and did not come back. Because of that escape, I quizzed her repeatedly about how would she keep Tufty from doing the same. I told Susan that Tufty began as feral and was used to being free outside. She assured us profusely that Tufty would never get out. I saw how much she wanted Tufty when we brought her for a trial visit. Susan was warm and expressed herself in a way that told me she was very familiar with cat care. It seemed as if she had learned from her mistakes with the previous cat’s escape. I was so anxious to get Tufty out of the cold that I did not listen to what might have been lurking under the surface – an intuition not to give her to Susan.

Over the course of a few weeks after Susan took her, I called a few times to see how Tufty was doing. I found out how she was keeping her in a bedroom so they could get acquainted and so Tufty would not escape as the family opened the front door. Consistently, Susan reassured me that she was adapting slowly but doing well, giving me some details.

Then, one day I called and got horrible news. Tufty escaped a few days before and had not been seen since. I went into shock. This was in the winter and somewhere around 20 miles from Tufty’s origins. I prayed she would not try to find her way back to my place. There is a major highway between here and there. I hoped she would come back to Susan’s, which she never did. I put together a lost cat flyer with Tufty’s photo and distributed it around Susan’s neighborhood since Susan was not willing to do that (said she did not have the time). I did flyer distribution a few days a week for at least three weeks – might have been four. A few people called to say they thought they saw her traveling with a pack of stray cats. Fortunately, there are people in that neighborhood who feed stray cats. But we never got her back to be with us. Needless to say, I was grief-stricken for a very long time. I could hardly bear to think of that sweet, loving cat scrounging for food in a strange place. And Arizona has so many coyotes. I was really torn up about this.

At first I felt guilty. But I know my intention was to give something better to Tufty. So I eventually forgave myself for an error in judgment. Also, Susan and Tufty are actually the ones who are responsible for the way things turned out. Especially Tufty, who could have returned to Susan’s for a warm home, but chose not to do so. I wondered if she would have run off had Susan been feeding her canned food. As affectionate as Tufty was, I imagined that she really objected to being with Susan and I could not see it. She did let Susan hold and pet her during our trial visit.

What did I learn from this? I learned that even if I am seeking what I see as being the best for the animal, the animal might not agree with me. And, to this day, I’m not sure what to do with that, other than hold a high standard for the well-being of the cats. Also, I decided that if the person is not willing or able to feed the cat what they were accustomed to eating, I’m not letting that person adopt. And I learned that in the case of me letting go of a cat who is attached to us, I will insist on leaving the door open to reclaiming the pet if I see signs of poor adjustment – I did not go back into Susan’s home – I would insist on going back to observe the cat next time. For a while, I was conflicted over whether there would be a next time. Would I ever allow another socialized feral to be adopted?

I found out from a national rescue agency that, as a rule, an older feral who is socialized prefers to be with the human(s) who did the socializing. This group says that socialized-as-adults ferals do not do well with adoption to an unknown person. Since the incident with Tufty, I have found that to be true for some sick ferals who just would not socialize for a friend of mine who was nursing them back to health. And yet there have been two beyond-kitten ferals from my place who were happy with adoptions to strangers after they were socialized. I took the chance there since I had the expert support and screening/follow-up tools of a local rescue agency.

Of course, if you can socialize a feral as a kitten to like humans, there will not be any problem with adoption to a stranger. I think Snowball was 6-8 weeks old when I started working with her (see a previous blog post). After more than a year, she is still happy in her forever home.

And each cat is such an individual. They are not always predictable. In many ways, Tufty was so different from her littermates. Then there is the case of the three littermates here whose mother was domestic. Once they were full-grown, I found a forever home for the mother. Yet none of those three (born outside) lets us get close to them. You would think having a mother who likes people would make you a little bit willing to be socialized. Go figure! So it seems that the best wisdom is to learn from mistakes, learn to be more in tune with my intuitions, and always seek what is best for the animal.

Thanks for reading my post - leave a comment if you like. I plan to share more about my experiences and what I have learned from managing this homeless colony. Please let your friends know about my blog.

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Debby Taylor

DTConsult@cableone.net